Anger is an emotion concerned with getting an immediate need acknowledged in the present moment, most often to set a healthy boundary between ourselves and others. This simple explanation belies the very real difficulties that many people have in recognising and expressing this powerful emotion.
Of all our feelings, anger can be the most problematic to manage. In society, anger is sometimes referred to as a ‘negative’ emotion, as though there is something bad about people having and revealing this feeling. Some find themselves attempting to conceal their anger from others, finding ways to express it only after the moment has gone. This can lead to confusion and mis-communication in relationships. Others struggle to express their anger with words without losing control of their behaviour that can frighten others or even lead to acts of violence.
If we do not find ways to express anger to others at the time we feel it, this can result in us carrying heavy resentments that either later explode out of all context to our original hurt or damage our ability to relate openly and honestly to others in future. Another aspect of unexpressed anger is that we can turn it inwards upon ourselves, resulting in painful inner conflicts where we continually seem to be ‘beating ourselves up’.
Working therapeutically with anger issues involves examining how we learned to express our needs in childhood, uncovering new ways of recognising what we are feeling and exploring different ways in which we can show powerful emotions so that others are able to acknowledge what we are feeling. The safety of the therapy space can be a good place to reflect on past episodes of angry feeling and practice different approaches to self-management with a view to healthier relationships.